Hi Reader!

No one ever believes me when I tell them this, but I used to be painfully shy.

Like the kind of person you'd avoid at a party because I was so awkward to talk to because I could never figure out what to say.

I would stress out for weeks about upcoming parties and events, worried about what to wear, what I would say, who I would stand with.

I would go to networking events, lurk around the edges for a bit, and then leave, full of shame, because I hadn't spoken to one single person.

It was TERRIBLE.

And then I figured out a secret: No one, literally no one, gave two tosses about me.

Not that they were evil villains who wouldn't throw me a Gatorade if I was dying of thirst, but they were (duh) worried about themselves.

So, instead of making it about me, I decided to make it about them, which is when I started instituting the Three Question Rule.

The 3Q Rule is simple. You can't tell an anecdote or offer anything up about yourself until you've asked at least three questions.

This does a couple of things:

💖 It makes the other person feel listened to and important, which is a gift in itself

💖 You go deeper with the other person, rather than only staying surface level, which opens the door for real connections

💖 You learn a lot so you can ask more questions

💖 You can know pretty quickly if this is someone you want to continue connecting with or if it's better to move on

And this doesn't only work for new people!

It's also super useful with friends and family as a way to slow yourself down and gather more information before offering solutions, advice, or your own take.

And it can deepen those relationships.

I know with my kids my instinct is often "solve the problem immediately." By asking three questions instead, I give them the space to talk it out and come up with their own solution (and they think I'm a good listener!).

So, want to give it a try?

This week, at least once, ask someone three questions before you move on. This can be someone you talk to on the playground, in line, a friend, your partner, your kids - or try it on all of them!

Personally, I'm going to commit to doing it with my work out partner.

She's AMAZING at asking me questions and listening, and sometimes I get so overly excited I can talk and talk and leave feeling like I don't know enough about her. I'll let you know how it goes over on Instagram!

So, email me back and let me know - where will you be sure to ask three questions this week?

xx. Kara

🎉 YOU ARE ALL THE BEST!

LIKE HOW DID I GET THIS LUCKY?

I was so flippin' nervous to send last week's email and you, as always, showed up as the kindest, most supportive people on the internet.

Thank you so much for the emails and love you sent - it makes such a big difference when trying something new to have words of encouragement. I hope to get to do the same for you on this crazy journey! ❤️

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